We got here accidentally. Well not really in the strictest sense of the word because for about a good whole year we kept talking about doing this. Everybody around us was so much into blogs that it got to us after a point. But so many hassles…creating a joint mail id, then the name, then the profile, then the setting…then this…then that…and then on and on and on….really. Amazing how we made it!
So it was a year long of dilly-dallying and then one sudden strange day of working through details and all…and here we our, trying to impress our eventual readers with a smart and intelligent statement of purpose! I truly and honestly think that we were stoned throughout this weird spurt of activity. Nothing else can possibly explain this.
Anyhow…that’s for another time….
We think that we here are here also because, well…we are unemployed. We have nothing better to do with ourselves. Really. It could have been a case of true bollywood style job hunting (read long torturous bus rides, file in hand, walking from darwaza to darwaza in the hot merciless summer sun, sweaty drenched, thirsty, a possible fainting scene too) but well we decided (very sensibly I think!) to wait it out. After all this wretched recession is going to get over sometime or the other!
So what am I doing right now? Well, I am making yet another attempt to publish my thoughts, ideas and feelings (“yet” being an indication of failed attempts at the same in the past). But what the hell, here I am once again with my loaded gun (proverbially).
I am in a somewhat strange mood right now. How do I explain? I just had some amazing food accompanied by an amazingly A-wful book! Yes, I realise that am dawdling but err… I will get to the point…..eventually. On that note, why can’t I just ramble aimlessly? Why does everything have to have logic? A purpose? Why can’t I just vent my frustration and irritation over picking up a bad book and wasting a whole day just to read it! You might just complain that no one forced me to it, did they? I’ll say, no they did not. I believe I am just projecting the troubles of my life on a harmless (bad as it was) piece of text. So where does that take me? What does one do when they realise that they have probably made one of the biggest mistakes of life and that there can be no going back?
That does make me sound like some character of a bad screenplay. See what a bad piece of text can do to a sane thinking person!
My suggestions to overcome the ‘mistakes’ in life?
Well, go into denial. (works wonders)
Cry, howl,shout,sulk (helps to reduce the magnitude of it)
Get drunk or stoned. (nothing beats that, and when you wake up with a hangover…there! You,ve got a new problem in your hands or head in this case)
Get high on music. (the harder the better, or whatever works for you)
Read a good book (something that has a happy ending, gives you hope about everything)
Give yourself a big mental kick, promise yourself that you won’t fall for that again. Kick some ass (proverbial again) and move on.
Its just one life you get to live. Don’t waste it in rehashing the past. Moral of the story ( not the one that I read): Every cloud has a silver lining. (if you can truly believe in that! God be with you) Posted by: Jaya
For a good three months now I have been away from the life I had for the past six years. It wasn’t a totally conscious choice to give up that life, but somewhere I did choose to move. Perhaps in moving I changed too?
It’s a frequent question these days with me. About change. Days I sit and think. But of course I cannot answer the question. Another year has gone by. Another year added to my life. And I think of changes. I ask friends but of course they give diplomatic answers. Ironic is the fact that it is because of them that I wonder thus, for them that I ask the question….
I see these people around me who were just like what I was until now. Life was shared with them. Through them I lived and experienced this world, this life…myself too. But somehow, somewhere it has all changed. I don’t know these people anymore. They are like these passive strange beings caught up in some very every strange inertia. When i see them i imagine a more-or-less lifeless figure doing a slow spiraling dance suspended in mid air.
They say that with time priorities in life change, so people change and the way they perceive things also changes. Perhaps it is so. But I stand and wonder what is it that has brought so much of a gap between these people and me? Is it that they have stopped living or that I have started living truly now. Or they have stopped and are unwilling to move on and I have moved on and away too soon too fast.
When I ask, they tell me that things have changed drastically for them also. I disagree not to this for change is but a truth in life. But then they say that they do not have it in them to move on with their lives, to restructure. They say they need more time…time?
Time?
Time has become nothing but an excuse behind which they hide…and for years they hide…and time goes slipping away.
Time after all has its own pace.
They blame me for changing, for not being sensitive and understanding enough. Maybe it is true. But I wonder now, even as I sit and put this all together into words, that how is it that I was with them? Did I dance this slow wretched dance? How could I live in such passivity? Leave aside how, why was I living thus?
I have seen a lot of random deaths in my life so far…not that death is ever definite. Nevertheless…random in the sense of…..well….being unjustified at that point of time. And I only wonder that if life and all these things, this whole world is so fragile then why is it that we run? Why is it that we run and run…and transform our lives into this stupid idiotic race? And for what? In this denial of death, we fail to live. I wonder if we accept death, maybe we would be better at living. Maybe existence would become a life?
As I grow another year older, and this I realized after a long conversation with a friend, dreams and illusions are changing. Years ago what had been a realizable possibility for me, became an illusion and now as the years pass on, even these illusions are dropping off somewhere along the way, one after the other…..now ever dreams are peppered with a good heavy dose of reality and practicality. Perhaps this comes with age….
And what I find even stranger to understand is that it those very people who encouraged these dreams and illusion within you who bring them crashing down in the name of practicality and sensibility. Of course they do it for our own good…after all it wouldn’t do to live a life of a useless dreamer now would it? So much for a life of passions and of dreams….
But these are random disjointed thoughts really…they say that most coherent and clear are the thoughts of those who are drunk….perhaps that is all that remains…..
Maybe a shot of vodka is all that one needs….but the bottle lies empty by my table…
