They used a million different words, for life, for living...for loving.
And each time I thought I knew it all.....I sang along. Through older lives and remembered words of wisdom, I hoped to live it all....
Ah but I fell....
A beaten body....bruised and hurt....I try hard to stand up. No hands to help me up. None.
Strange....they all spoke of hands which would catch me if I ever fall…
A song.....a song....
Why did I fall? Did somebody push me off the edge? The cacophony of a hundred questions inside my head.....relentless.
shut it...shut it....shut it somehow.
I falter and then, the onslaught of realizations, merciless in their honesty and intensity.
Nobody pushed me. Like a blind fool I stood on the edge and thought the world was never as beautiful as now. I never saw the fall below. I lived deeply in my reality of love and life. But a reality without existence? An illusion, a reality.
Love they said is blind......
The first thought is hard to find in this confusion….a storm brewing inside and a heart only in search of deep peace.....living only and always through contradictions.
What words will my anger find for itself? The death of hope....a dead weight. How long will I keep this with me? Long miles I have walked and more stretch out ahead of me.....but I tire soon with this stone around my neck…
I fear it like a disease.....an affliction for life?
Where is the cure? How long before I find it?
Too long…too long now. I want only to be whole again.
But I left pieces of me behind…with him who don’t even know that...
Bits of me are carelessly flung into some distant corner of his past....I lie in dust.
I want my pieces back......
A song....a song....all of life is there in a song.
Where is mine? Where is my song?
But.....i see it now....I fell through my song....
And now only the faint haunts of a melody lost....
ah, when you look around, it's just the variations of a same story that seemingly half the population around you is facing at any point of time :)
ReplyDeleteNot certain as to when, but at one point this is what happens:
You stop playing the increasingly monotonous remixes of the old song.
And then you update the playlist :D
and that is why when you look around and see others in a similar situation, you realize just how human you are....at all given points of time.
ReplyDeletegetting caught in monotony (be it of songs or of life....) can maybe, just maybe inspire creativity at times don't you think? like a provocation for change? but perhaps one shouldn't then limit oneself to a mere "updating" of the play-list....dare one hope for creating a whole new song?
for this life and this world, beyond the reaches of all cynical thought, lives on hope.....
;=)
my point on updating the playlist was same as you imply by creating a new song :-|
ReplyDeleteab how do I know that first song ka base analogy song sunne se tha ya banane se tha ..... this is cheating :P
about the play-list vs the song...seems that we now engage ourselves only in word play....a slight mis-communication perhaps.
ReplyDeletewe think we have sort of lost you on this bit about the analogy...elaborate?
oh God, now to explain.
ReplyDelete--> If all references to the "song" in your post were made in context of "listening to the song" then my comment about changing the playlist follows as it is.
--> If instead, the references to the "song" in your post were made in context of "creating the song", then my comment should rather have put it as going ahead and *creating another song* rather than *updating the playlist/changing the song*
so the references to "song" in your post could have arisen from two base analogies: you were representing your message through the context of "creating the song" or "listening to the song". You'd be meaning to convey the same message by using either context. It's just a choice of representation.
anyhow, so I took the assumption that if your post talked about the "song" as in going on *listening* to an old song and so replied in the same vein.
now you reply and tell me "updating" the playlist is a different thing than "creating" the song......toh baba.....if I had known that you referred to the song in your post as something "created", then I would have phrased my comment in terms of "creating another song" rather than "updating the playlist".
he....he.... aww gawd.... I don't believe I just wrote all this :D you know what, I'm gonna go and listen to some 50 songs on my Winamp right now to get over writing this comment !
a long winded explanation to be sure....but well, the analogy and your interpretation of it sounds clear now..but frankly it seems now that you have left us rather confused about our own intention behind the analogy!!!!! hopefully only a momentary loss of reason...
ReplyDeletebut perhaps a rigid and definite analogy wasn't really intended in this post...we moved from a mere listening of songs (a metaphor of course for passive living to an extent, and perhaps an unnecessary complication at this point) to the point where one feels the need to act, to create something new...a new song then...
but then perhaps it cannot be...pastiche?
updating and creating then sort of fall down as over-used categories...given the movement through the post.....
whoa.
ReplyDeleteand this discussion has been so complicated that your blog went pale? \:D
tch.
tch tch.
again it seems you misunderstand what we say...it seems we lack the necessary skills to make ourselves understood. we apologize for our inability, also realizing how it has pushed us into this futile discussion over mere semantics rather than the reals essence and meaning of the post itself.
ReplyDeleteonce in a while it's okay to digress from things sad to things stupid :)
ReplyDelete